i was talking to a friend earlier today about how we must censor ourselves every time we post on facebook.  and now there's a crazy child shooting and everyone is conscious of the injustice of life.  but if we could see into other countries or even the streets of our own country, we would feel the sorrow that humans experience every day.  the bottom sorrow of not being able to feed your children or being afraid for your life.  it is good that we- the ones who will read this- do not have to think of these things every day.  it is good that we were born into families and societies where we have thrived.  many of us have new children.  we have learned to be scared to bring others into this world, and as i look into my child's eyes, i don't want to show him.  but i have to think how i used to think when i was a starchild teenager, intent on saving the world.  that we are born holding all the knowledge that the generation before us accumulated.  that we are born ready to carry it on and to embody the magick that is our birthright. that we are here to save the world. i did not save the world.  and i am raising a child into the same world that still shocks and poisons me.  but this is what we have built.  and there are all sorts of opportunities--   music and robots and electricity and fucking irrigation.
and i feel angry at those- maybe me too- who tell me i should not bring another into this world; this beautiful being whose heart will break, his perfect pure beautiful heart will break, and he will feel everything that i have felt.  but maybe i will give him a little more direction than i had.  and maybe he will look back at his life one day at 30, after the heartbreak, the suicidal years,  and see like i see now the meaning of it all.  because i still feel that i chose to be here.  no, that i asked to be here. and i still don't know how to end a story.  but i can fucking begin one. and my life is not over